Tag: Managing Grief

Mother’s Day is a time to celebrate moms and the mother figures in our life. However, for those who have lost their mother, this special day is fraught with intense emotions that can pop-up in the most unexpected moments.

Similarly, for those of us who are moms, we remember our children who are not with us, whether through miscarriage, infant loss, childhood death or other, yet remain deeply in our hearts.

Coping with our grief and missing our mother (or being a mother) can be arduous. Here are some suggestions on how to deal with loss and sadness whenever those reminders arise:

Instead of dismissing memories because they can be filled with reminders your mom is no longer here, write down those memories and allow them to fill your heart with love and joy. These memories can be shared with your siblings and your children so they will recognize what your mom meant to you.

Put a storybook together with photos, drawings, poems and anecdotes about your mom or being a mom. Highlight what makes mom so special.

Share a meal with your friends using recipes your mom loved.

Join a support group where you can be amongst others who understand what you’re going through.

Learn to meditate or get out in nature to reflect on the important lessons your mom taught you.

Join a group that gives back to others. Often the best way to cope with loss is to give your support to others.

Visit an assisted living place and make a new connection with someone who needs your company.

The goal is to learn how to take a day that reminds you of your loss and turn it into a day that reminds you of her love, support and share that with others. It is the opportunity to honor someone and spread that love so her memory lives on.

Share the love, make a donation or share a Comfort Cub to someone who is missing their mother.

#sharethelove #rememberingmoms #mothersday #momandme

Unless you’ve been through the grief of infant loss first hand, you cannot fully appreciate the heart wrenching stories of families who didn’t experience the joy of bringing home their beloved baby from the hospital. Last week we shared a story about one young couple who helped us understand that KNOWLEDGE is POWER. The knowledge they shared will help families understand what a precious gift they have when they leave the hospital with their newborn in their arms. Yet other families experience great sadness due to genetics, physical issues or other infant traumas and do not leave the hospital with an infant in their arms.

Here is the story of one young family who had to make a difficult decision:

“We had our daughter Olivia Lynne on September 27, 2018. She was perfect!!! About 6 hours after birth she went dusky. The nurses rushed her to the NICU at Saddleback Hospital. They found she had some white spots on her brain. She was immediately transferred to Children’s Hospital of Orange County. There they discovered she was having seizures in her brain. They ran a battery of tests and the news we received was not good. The spots had taken over most of her brain which caused severe brain damage. The extent of the damage was so great that we made the hardest decision of our lives to let her go naturally and peacefully. She passed away at 12 days old on October 9, 2018.”

“My mom is a member of a group at Saddleback Church and they gave her a Comfort Cub to give to me. I was also a member of the Empty Arms support group and they gave these out as well.”

“What you are doing is such a great thing!! I’ve told a few people about them also.”

In early April 2019, Valeria and Isaac experienced a profound loss. Unlike the quintessential scene where excited parents depart the hospital with the wife cradling their newborn as she is pushed in a wheelchair, their son Everett would not be leaving the hospital with them. Instead they would be leaving with not-quite empty arms. Instead they would be leaving with “Button,” a weighted Comfort Cub.

For parents leaving the hospital without their child, the grief is immense. In the midst of that deep, unimaginable grief, some parents are able to come up for air and share their story which is POWERFUL. It teaches others in their community what that experience was like – and because of that, in turn we can learn how to react in appropriate ways to make the experience tolerable.

Here is Valeria and Isaac’s story:

“This is Belly Button (Button for short), he is a Comfort Cub. He is a weighted bear given to us by the hospital. I wanted to shed some light on these sweet little bears. Because we had an experience that wasn’t so awesome but I think it’s because not everyone knows about these sweet bears. These bears are meant to comfort mothers who have lost their babies. The teddy bear is specially weighted and is intended to feel like holding a newborn. While the initial intent of The Comfort Cub was for child loss, evidence shows it provides profound relief for any traumatic event. It sounds crazy or maybe even silly but this bear really helps.”

“So the night I left the hospital I wrapped sweet button in Everett’s blanket and they wheeled me through the hospital. Although I was leaving broken hearted and without my son I wasn’t empty handed. I held onto Button close to my chest and covered his head as I would have my own son. While we walked down the halls I saw a couple and I noticed they stared at me. But what I didn’t see – my husband sadly did. They tried to take a peek at what they thought was a baby. When they saw it was a bear their voices got lower; they started to smirk at a grown women holding a teddy bear so tightly. When my husband saw this his first reaction was his fist balled up. He was very hurt and defensive. He later shared with me what had happened with tears in his eyes. He was so hurt and his voice was paralyzed to tell them we had lost our baby.”

“I wasn’t upset with these people because they are ignorant. They didn’t know what this bear represents, but I wanted to make a post to shed some light on these sweet little things. The night I left the hospital was so hard but having Button made it just a little easier. If you see anyone with a bear and they are holding onto them tightly just say a prayer for them. You never know what tragedy they are going through. You may not understand – but smirking at them will bring more harm than you think.”

*Valeria and Issac made their Facebook post public, with the ending, “Knowledge is Power” – we’d like to share that as a hashtag #knowledgeispower.

Giving our biggest bear hugs to the three of them.

#infantloss #emptyarms #thinkfirst